Monday, July 23, 2012
Peine de coeur
Yeah right?!, I do not know what to believe anymore, the moment I feel happy, I am scared because I am well aware that there is this other side of the coin. And I will be facing it soon. I know I am right because it is happening again. We are like bunch of clowns doing our own little tricks to make people laugh, but underneath that thick make up is a sad face that nobody will ever know. Unless you tell them of course.
How tiring!, I cannot just explain everything to everybody all the time. And besides I do not owe anybody any explanation. Maybe, I will learn to like this feeling, the feeling of sadness. How selfish of me, you say, amidst the calamity(fire) and crime(multiple killings in the theater) I still feel this way. I do not have any explanation to what I am feeling right now. I just feel like writing about it. Random thoughts, words running in my head. I want to get them all out. I feel like my head is going to burst.
Human as I am, I still pray for those who are in pain because of the incidents, yet still as a human being I also need to deal with my own problem. It is almost evening, the sun is almost down. The more depress I get viewing this sight from where I am sitting. Sadness is my blanket, and pain is my bed. What a lovely feeling. Usually when I am feeling down, I sing a song to perk me up, but right now there are no notes to sing, no hymns and no lyrics.
Let us leave it this way for a moment, let my pain linger. My mind is now empty, it is blank. I guess, it is enough for the day.