I have died a thousand deaths

 How do you weigh pain? The pain that a mother has go through for losing his second born son. I feel like I have died a thousand deaths. It may not be a heavy nor timely memory but the fact that he was inside you, moving and breathing and then all of sudden death steals him from you, it is just too much to take.

I wanted so much to disappear to have never felt this way. But the fact is,I need to be strong for I still have my family, my first born and my husband. For this time being, I am taking my strength from them. I am in a way trying to suppress, I am pretending as if it did not happen, I mourn in a very weird way, it is indescribable.

If only pretending is the answer, but how can you pretend that your skin has not been cut? That there is no wound that can trace and prove that an angel was there living inside you for almost 6 months?

I will mourn for as long as I can fully realize that things happened for a reason. I will mourn for as long as my wound is still fresh.

I would like to take this opportunity though, to thank my family and friends who has been there for us, who somehow alleviates the pain that we are feeling. Thank you for your kind words and gestures.

To my second born, Mama, Papa and kuya will love you forever.....................