Peine de coeur

            They say that words are more real, coming from a heart that is broken. There will always be a time in our lives when sad thoughts seemed to stay longer engulfing our very self. Motionless, breathless, hopeless, everything seemed so bleak and sad. Don't we hate this feeling? I know I do.We just cannot help it, it is not sunny all the time. But of course the optimist will always have a say on this. Like, " How can we appreciate the glory of life if we are always happy? How can we value happiness, if it is consistent? It would seem so dull and lifeless."

   Yeah right?!, I do not know what to believe anymore, the moment I feel happy, I am scared because I am well aware that there is this other side of the coin. And I will be facing it soon. I know I am right because it is happening again. We are like bunch of clowns doing our own little tricks to make people laugh, but underneath that thick make up is a sad face that nobody will ever know. Unless you tell them of course.

    How tiring!, I cannot just explain everything to everybody all the time. And besides I do  not owe anybody any explanation. Maybe, I will learn to like this feeling, the feeling of sadness. How selfish of me, you say, amidst the calamity(fire) and crime(multiple killings in the theater) I still feel this way. I do not have any explanation to what I am feeling right now. I just feel like writing about it. Random thoughts, words running in my head. I want to get them all out. I feel like my head is going to burst.

     Human as I am, I still pray for those who are in pain because of the incidents, yet still as a human being I also need to deal with my own problem. It is almost evening, the sun is almost down. The more depress I get viewing this sight from where I am sitting. Sadness is my blanket, and pain is my bed. What a lovely feeling. Usually when I am feeling down, I sing a song to perk me up, but right now there are no notes to sing, no hymns and no lyrics.

      Let us leave it this way for a moment, let my pain linger. My mind is now empty, it is blank. I guess, it is enough for the day.